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February 13th, 2005

6:24 PM

Drive-In Madness

Wow, did BOOGEYMAN ever suck!  I mean, really!  What was up with that? 

I did kind of like HIDE AND SEEK.  Actually, I liked it a lot, until the shocking twist.  No, I didn't see it coming, but despite a few flash cuts where we're supposed to say "A-ha!" it really doesn't mesh with what we've seen before.  Still, it's a decent enough thriller, and Dakota Fanning IS a child prodigy.

And the drive-in popcorn wasn't disappointing, even though my wife always wants to dump a bag of peanut M&M's in there, so I have to eat around them.  Not that I have anything against peanut M&M's (though they do rank pretty low on my list of candy favorites), but I don't want them in my popcorn any more than I want sour gummi bears in there.  And sour gummi bears rule.

My big writing accomplishment today was that I FINALLY e-mailed Mark McLaughlin the next part of our short story collaboration.  I've been sitting on that thing forever.  I can only hope that he's just as much of a slacker with the next part, so that I don't look like a loser.

--Jeff

 

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February 12th, 2005

4:12 PM

Horror Flicks

So on Thursday I caught the very last show of WHITE NOISE before it left Tampa for good.  I'd heard the movie was pretty bad, but I liked it (despite the ridiculous ending).  Lots of genuinely creepy stuff.  One part made my wife jump out of her seat so hard that she went into a coughing fit.

I've been a pretty lame horror movie fan these past few weeks...four new releases, and until Thursday I hadn't seen any of 'em.  It's too late for ALONE IN THE DARK, but the drive-in is doing a double feature of HIDE AND SEEK and BOOGEYMAN, so even if they're bad, it's only $4.00 for both of them, and the drive-in has darn good popcorn.

We'll also be bringing the new minivan to the drive-in for the first time.  This may be a mixed blessing.  It'll certainly be more comfortable than the old car, but to avoid being a complete jackass we'll have to park off to the side or way in the back.  I have no intention of being a complete jackass.

--Jeff

 

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February 6th, 2005

7:24 PM

Grapple

Today I had a Grapple.  "Looks like an apple.  Tastes like a grape."

Actually, it tastes like an apple.  But it kind of smells like a grape. 

It was pretty stupid.  My wife bought them.

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February 6th, 2005

3:18 PM

Stuff

So, I could just fill this whole weblog with comments about how much I suck at keeping it updated, but I think a lot of weblogs take that approach, so I'll just daintily bypass the subject without comment.

 

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January 3rd, 2005

6:53 PM

More Dead Princess Stuff

And How to Rescue a Dead Princess is finally off to the fine people at Mundania Press!  Considering that I wasn't on a deadline with this particular project, I take special pride in actually finishing it, considering that I'm a lazy unmotivated bum.

Ahhhhhh...now I can relax for a while.

Oh, wait.  No I can't.  Damn.

--Jeff

 

 

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December 26th, 2004

10:39 PM

Dead Princesses & Stuff

Yeah, I've been neglecting my weblog lately, but at least I'm not filling it with detailed posts about the number of Minesweeper games I've played this year (zero).  I hope that everyone out there had a merry Christmas, or happy Hannukah, or cheery Feast of the Damned, or whatever you celebrate this time of the year!

I'm almost done with the revision of HOW TO RESCUE A DEAD PRINCESS, which I've been planning to do for years.  This book has only been available for an e-book, and though I was offered a contract for a paperback edition, I thought it needed some extra work first.  Not a substantial rewrite by any means, but some tweaking throughout.  Anyway, that should be finished this week, and we'll hopefully see the first print release of this novel next year!

--Jeff

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December 6th, 2004

1:58 AM

Chapbook Madness

Well, I've started to get some reader feedback on CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE), which is incidentally now available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble, and people seem to think it's a pretty dark and disturbing book!  Which is what I was going for, so that's cool, although it's also meant to be a fun thrill-ride!

I just turned in "Mr. Sensitive," which is a story I wrote for a dual-author chapbook called TWO TWISTED NUTS: A CHAPBOOK OF TESTICULAR TERROR.  Nick Cato, the editor of THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW, contributed the second tale, "Ball Breaker."  Sometimes, when your work is this classy, you've just got to write a story about testicles.  (Though Nick did ask if I'd tone down the potty-mouth.)

This will be the debut project from Nick's Novello Press, and he's hoping to have it ready for World Horror Convention 2005 in April.  Beware!

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November 28th, 2004

8:44 PM

New Message Board

Hey, kiddies, I've got myself a brand-new message board over at HorrorWorld.Org.  C'mon over to:

http://horrorworld.org/v-web/bulletin/bb/viewforum.php?f=9

And say hi!

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November 21st, 2004

8:20 AM

iPod Madness

Jeez, I've really sucked at keeping my blog updated this month.  Anyway, here's my latest Seriously Whacked newsletter...

So, I bought an iPod this week.  If two years ago you said to me, "Hey, Jeff, in two years you will own a wee little device the size of an Altoids box that stores every single CD you own," I would've laughed in your face, knocked you unconscious with a shovel, and stolen your wallet.  But lo, I now own just such a device. 
 
The iPod is, I'm sure you'll agree, the greatest invention since peach Snapple.  Say I'm going for a long, meaningful walk where I try to figure out just how the hell Andrew Mayhem is gonna escape from whatever whacko killer is after him this time.  In the old world, I'd have to make my CD selection before I left the house, say, Cyndi Lauper's "Sisters of Avalon."  But then, several minutes into my walk, I'd say "Wait a minute...'Sisters of Avalon' sucks!  I don't know what Cyndi Lauper was thinking when she recorded it!  Why, oh, why, didn't I bring 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' instead?"  The reason is because I don't have "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" on CD.  I purchased it when I was a hunchbacked primate buying only cassettes.  But I digress.
 
Anyway, in the new world, I have my entire CD collection at my disposal.  So I can walk the first 100 feet listening to Alice Cooper, the second 100 feet listening to a different Alice Cooper, the third 100 feet listening to a different Alice Cooper, and so on for about the next eight miles (there's no shortage of Alice Cooper in my CD collection).  It's amazing!  And I can happily listen to Avril Lavigne, and if somebody walks up to me and says "What are you listening to?" I can quickly switch it to somebody who isn't Avril Lavigne and they'll never be the wiser! 
 
And though I haven't yet bought any online music, I can now pick-and-choose just the songs I want.  "Ha!  I spit upon your carefully constructed tapestry of music!  Gimme tracks 2, 3, and 7!  Muahahahahaha!"
 
The fact that I can store my entire CD collection is particularly useful because I store my CDs using the time-tested Random Piles Around The House method.  79.3% of them are not in their jewel cases.  The rest are not in the CORRECT jewel cases.  But that's no longer a concern.  If I suddenly, desperately need to listen to "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Ha!" (which happens often), it's right there! 
 
Life is good.
 
But life ISN'T good if you desperately want a copy of the limited edition chapbook "The Lost (For A Good Reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem," and were planning to lollygag for a few more days.  It's still available free with pre-orders of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE), but supplies are dwindling faster than the living characters in MANDIBLES, so sprint over to http://www.mundania.com/books-casketforsale.html today!  As long as the reference to the chapbook still appears on the webpage, you're set, but once the message disappears, so does the tale of how Andrew and Roger met!
 
And the book is 15% off during the pre-order stage (which will end next week) so get on over there, kiddies!
 
Until next time...
 
--Jeff
 
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November 3rd, 2004

8:21 PM

The Election

Okay, so, I'm not happy that Bush won.

But at least we're spared having to listen to Michael Moore claim that HE was the reason that Bush lost!

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November 1st, 2004

10:32 AM

Seriously Whacked Halloween Report

...as it appeared in my latest newsletter:

 

IMPORTANT NOTE:  Though this edition of the Seriously Whacked newsletter is primarily a tool for sharing delightfully amusing tales of my Halloween adventures, it also contains several attempts to convince you to pre-order a copy of my novel CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE).  For those of you who are opposed to self-promotion, I have helpfully marked these parts with a trio of % signs.  When it is safe to read again, you'll see three # signs.  For example:

%%% Hey, wouldn't it be swell if you pre-ordered a copy of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) from Mundania Press? ###
 
This way, undecided purchasers can allow themselves to be swayed by my message, while the rest of you can enjoy the newsletter without the sales pressure.  I hope you enjoy it!
 
So, I started off my Halloween weekend by purchasing a new car.  The salesman was dressed as The Joker.  Have you ever tried to do hardball negotiations with a guy dressed as The Joker?  Like, you're sitting across the desk from him, and the invoice says that they're adding a $20 fee so they can send out fliers about their customer loyalty discounts, and you're, like, "What do you mean, you're charging me twenty bucks so you can send out fliers?" and he's like "Truuuuuust me, that's part of any invoice," but he's dressed as the freakin' JOKER so he's got this spooky-ass grin and you don't know if he's telling the truth or not, and then the invoice adds another $469 in advertising costs, and you're, like "You can't tack the cost of advertising onto the bill, you dork!  Add it to the base cost of the car!  That's like going to the grocery and buying a 59-cent pack of M&M's and having them add 10 cents at the counter for the cost of making those CGI M&M's in the commercials!" and he's like "No, really, that's standard.  I couldn't get rid of it if I wanted to.  Look, it's pre-printed on the invoice, and it's in special ink so if I try to cross it out the paper will burst into flames!" and again, he's got that spooky-ass grin thing going and you don't know what to believe.
 
But, still, we bought the car, which means that we're in Paranoid New Car Owner mode ("Aaah!  Aaah!  A bug's on the windshield!  Get it off!  Get it off!  No, not with the windshield wipers, you fool!  Aaah!").  I'm tempted to just whack the door with a hammer to get it over with.  But it looks great, and we've put lots of Gook That Makes Your Car Look Better on it, so we're gonna be traveling in style!
 
%%% If you're looking for an honest deal, you really can't beat CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE).  It's 15% off, and the first 150 orders get an absolutely free 16-page chapbook, "The Lost (For Good Reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem."  It's signed and numbered, and while I cannot legally promise that it will be worth $15,328 in the next couple of years after I become a real author, I also cannot legally promise that it won't.  Get your copy today at http://www.mundania.com. ###
 
Saturday night we went to the Halloween Horror Picture Show, which was an eight-hour horror movie marathon consisting of two feature-length films (SANGRE ETERNA and LONDON VOODOO) and a whole bunch of shorts.  We got there before it started, and didn't leave until the very last image flickered on the screen.  We did the same thing last year, and though I don't have any hard facts to support it, I'm pretty sure that my wife and I are the only two people not associated with the event to survive every minute of this madness.  I want a free t-shirt.  (Oh, wait...I got one.  Cool.)
 
Lots of great stuff this year, and I got to see FILTHY on the big screen again.  FILTHY is a short film written and co-directed by Andy Lalino, who I met at the event, and who probably spends most of his life as I do, hearing "But you look like such a NORMAL young lad!"  FILTHY is sick.  Really sick.  FILTHY is one of the sickest pieces of filmmaking I have ever seen.  It's gross, gross, gross...and yet the amount of creative energy that went into being so gross is astounding!  Because this is occasionally a family-oriented newsletter, I'm not going to describe much about this movie, except to say that you have never, ever seen anything like the "meat man."  The film maintains a healthy sense of humor throughout (a standout sight gag involves the aftermath of a hole puncher) and if you're into the Cinema That Makes You Wonder What Jagged Surface These Whack-Job Filmmakers Were Dropped On As Babies To Mess Them Up Like That, FILTHY is a must-see. 
 
Check out their official website at http://www.filthythemovie.com.  Don't tell them I sent you, because I don't want these guys thinking they owe me a favor. 
 
%%% So, you've ordered CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE), right?  I mean, I put a lot of work into writing this book just for you.  You've always been the wind beneath my wings, and for you to turn your back on me during my time of greatest need would really hurt.  You wouldn't want to taint all of those cherished memories we share, would you?  I'm not sure I could take it.  Please, don't spit on the special connection we've had from the very beginning.  Just go to http://www.mundania.com and renew our vows.  Thank you. ###
 
Hey, why not take a break from this newsletter and order a copy of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED...ooops, I forgot the three percentage signs.  Sorry about that.  But it's too late to type them now, so why not take a break from this newsletter and order a copy of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE)?  It's the best book ever written!  Really?  You know WUTHERING HEIGHTS?  THE SCARLET LETTER?  Trash for illiterates!  I assure you, there is no finer novel published in the English language than CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE), and if you disagree, I will cheerfully send out a corrected edition of this newsletter.  Order your copy today!  Get the free chapbook!  Be cool! 
 
For Halloween night, we went over to my friend Michele Bardsley's house and we took her six-year-old son Reid trick-or-treating.  He was Harry Potter, and it was a pretty darn cool costume.  When I was a kid, I didn't get to have cool costumes.  This is because I lived in Alaska, and it was freezing outside, and any Halloween costume had to fit over my snowsuit, which sort of limited the possibilities.  And costumes were really lame then...like, my Spider-Man costume wasn't Spider-Man's outfit, it was a costume with a PICTURE of Spider-Man on the front and a cheap plastic mask that instantly cracked in the cold weather.  
 
It was fun...except that Reid got bored pretty quickly and decided that he'd rather hang out at home and watch trick-or-treaters go through the Bardsley's garage, which had been transformed into a haunted house.  Mind you, it was a VERY impressive haunted house...but, YOU DON'T STOP TRICK-OR-TREATING EARLY.  I would crawl through the ice, dragging my frozen comrades behind me, until every last house in the neighborhood had been successfully trick-or-treated.  You just don't wuss out after half a freakin' hour! 
 
And then Reid just handed his pumpkin-o-candy over to Michele.  Sure, my parents always went through my candy to ensure that nobody had stuck a razor blade or a pit bull in there, but this was done under my close supervision.  Reid just left the room, and Michele could have swiped anything!  In fact, not only DID she take a piece of prime candy, but she gave me a 100 Grand bar.  When I went trick-or-treating with my friends, we spent HOURS sorting out the candy, trading it, hoarding it, rolling around in it, etc.  This appalling lack of obsession over Halloween candy is why today's youth has no respect for their elders. 
 
I did notice that they still call those weenie little pieces of candy "Fun Size."  "Fun Size" would be candy that broke a hole in your floor if you dropped it.
 
(If you want to learn more about the type of person who raises this type of child, visit Michele's official website at http://www.michelebardsley.com.  And order one of her hilarious novels while you're there, %%% but only after you've ordered CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) ###.)
 
So, that was my Halloween, although technically Halloween will stretch into next weekend as I head off to be a guest at Screamfest!  Until the next time I try to coerce you to %%% buy a copy of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) from http://www.mundania.com ### have a wonderful day!
 
--Jeff
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October 29th, 2004

10:09 PM

Casket Pre-Orders Now Available!

Yep, the time of ordering your very own copy of CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) is at hand!  And, as an unbelievably special super-duper awesome incredible jaw-dropping astounding gasp-inducing shriek-worthy bonus, the first 150 copies will receive an absolutely free signed and numbered 16-page chapbook, "The Lost (For A Good Reason) Adventure of Andrew Mayhem."  Once those are gone, they're history, they're eBay fodder, so order today from:

http://www.mundania.com

Just click on the CASKET FOR SALE graphic on the right side of the screen!

 

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October 22nd, 2004

12:27 PM

DEAD ALIVE Report

Well, we had a very nice turnout for a Thursday night, and the crowd was wildly enthusiastic. The Tampa Theatre folks were pleased enough that they're now considering some sort of monthly midnight horror flick series. It probably helped that I got huge cheers when I told the audience that by being there, they were encouraging the Tampa Theatre to book even MORE sick, disgusting, and vile movies!

I hadn't seen DEAD ALIVE in probably ten years, and never on the big screen. Man, that is one freakin' GORY movie!!!
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October 20th, 2004

8:28 AM

Latest Seriously Whacked Newsletter

Here's my latest Seriously Whacked newsletter.  If'n you want to subscribe, just send a blank e-mail to seriouslywhacked-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

 

I'm the horror comedy king.  I wasn't aware of this, but I got the latest issue of THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW in the mail, and there it was right there on the cover:  "Exclusive Interview With Horror Comedy King Jeff Strand."  So kneel before me, you other horror-comedy writing weenies...I am your king!  Muahahahahaha!!!

The issue has a fairly long interview with me, as well as reviews of GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) and SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME.  It also has a retrospective on THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and an article on horror-comedy films, so really, you'd have to have been kicked in the head by a rabid mule not to want to order a copy.  You can get it here:
 
http://store.yahoo.com/shocklines/hofire.html
 
I spent this past weekend at the 23rd annual Necronomicon; a science fiction, fantasy, and horror convention, which, as usual, was a lot of fun.  My first panel was "The Best Horror Movies You've Never Heard Of," where I talked about big-time obscurities like THE ROBERT CAKE and semi-obscurities like MAY...although somehow we ended up spending a good chunk of time on the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies.  Sorry about that.
 
My next panel was about the SMALL BITES anthology.  If you visit http://www.will-ludwigsen.com/ you can see a picture of me reading my copy of the book and rudely ignoring the other panelists. 
 
I was also on "You've Gotta Luv Vamps," a lively and interesting panel even though four of the five panelists (including myself) had never written anything involving vampires.  (I did tell the audience that MANDIBLES featured vampire ants, but I think my credibility was questioned.)
 
Then we had a late-night reading of various tales from SMALL BITES.  I was a bit concerned about reading my story "Really, Really Ferocious" in front of an audience, for fear that I would be tarred and/or feathered, but editor Garrett Peck made me read it anyway, after telling the audience that it was his favorite of the 200+ stories in the book.  It got big laughs and nobody tried to shoot, strangle, or trample me afterward, so the reading can be considered a success.  I also read my zombie story "A Bite For A Bite," which got an equal number of laughs and "Eewww"s.
 
SMALL BITES is a charity anthology for horror legend Charles Grant, so you can safely purchase a copy without providing me with money for illegal bootleg DVDs of SHAUN OF THE DEAD.  Just visit the following handy URL:
 
http://www.apfuchs.com/cgrantsmallbitesordering.html
 
On Sunday I participated in my final panel of the convention, about humorous horror.  Garrett Peck moderated that one, and about halfway through I had to tell him that this was a panel about humorous horror and not the evolution of the zombie in motion pictures and to please get the hell back on topic, and so he dumped a glass of water on his head.  I encourage all readers of this newsletter to attend conventions where Garrett is a guest, and if he starts to get off topic during a panel, shout "Do the water thing!" and he'll dump a glass of water on his head.  It could become a national fad! 
 
Then we went to a ghost-investigation workshop, which was interesting except some guy in the front row decided that it was actually meant to be a conversation between himself and the presenter, and so he would make a content-free comment virtually every time she said something.  I was hoping that a ghost might show up and carry him away to the spectral world, but it didn't happen, so I had to settle for listening to my wife sigh in annoyance many, many, many times.
 
Overall, lots of fun. 
 
If you're able to get to the Tampa area on Thursday, don't forget about the glorious screening of Peter Jackson's DEAD ALIVE at 7:30.  I'll be introducing the movie and signing books before and after, along with Lynne Hansen, Chris Holland, and Scott Hamilton.  Visit http://www.tampatheatre.org for more details.
 
In personal news, yesterday I had a root canal.  The dental assistant told me that her gloves were grape-flavored, but I didn't think it was a good idea to ask to lick her fingers.  You'll all probably agree that I made the right choice.
 
NEXT ISSUE:  News about an Andrew Mayhem mystery you can solve to win mediocre prizes!  And a free CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) sample to download!  And news about whether or not the DEAD ALIVE screening was a major success or the epitome of lameness! 
 
--Jeff
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October 10th, 2004

11:13 AM

The Horror Fiction Review

I'm still in Duluth, but my wife ripped apart and faxed over a copy of THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW.  My reaction was "Whoa!!!!"  Or maybe the "Whoa" only had three exclamation points; I don't remember for sure.  I didn't realize that my interview was going to be the main feature, but right there on the cover, in the biggest type, "Exclusive Interview With Horror Comedy King Jeff Strand."

In addition to the interview, the issue contains glowing reviews of GRAVEROBBERS WANTED (NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY) and SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, and even has nice things to say about me in the editorial.  Plus it's got an article on THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and one on horror/comedy movies, so even if you don't like reading about me it's still well worth getting a copy.  I don't see that this new issue is available yet, but the 'zine can be purchased through Shocklines at, conveniently, http://www.shocklines.com.

 

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October 8th, 2004

6:23 PM

Generic Update

Weird...my comments about SHAUN OF THE DEAD didn't post, just the header.  I don't even remember what I said about it, except that SHAUN OF THE DEAD is easily the best movie of the year, and possibly the best horror/comedy of all time.  Absolutely fantastic.  I saw it twice, and I almost never see movies twice in the theatre, since they come to DVD about a week and a half after their theatrical release.  Everybody needs to see this one, even if they don't like horror movies.

Meanwhile, CASKET FOR SALE (ONLY USED ONCE) is all set for a mid-November release.  I should have the final cover within the next few days, and it should be available for pre-order pretty soon after that.  Groovy.

Just to make sure that my respect in the literary community doesn't become TOO overwhelming, I'm now collaborating on a chapbook with Nick Cato, who I met when he asked me to do an interview for his 'zine THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW.  (The copies of that particular issue are on their way to me, but I'm in Duluth, Minnesota right now instead of Tampa, Florida, so I'm not there to see them.)   The chapbook will be called TWO TWISTED NUTS: TALES OF TESTICULAR TERROR.  I apologize in advance.  Nick made me do it.  You'll get the whole story in the chapbook's introduction.

 

  

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September 27th, 2004

5:47 PM

Shaun of the Dead

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September 23rd, 2004

5:36 PM

Mystery Panel

I'm not REALLY posting this on Thursday, September 23rd, but I SHOULD have, and since Bravenet has a feature where I can lie about when I posted something, I'm going to fib away!

I had a wonderful evening tonight (heh heh) as an author guest on a mystery discussion panel at the Palm Harbor Library.  The panel went extremely well, and they gave us lots of goodies, including a little thingie designed specifically to open those CD cases that now require six men and a flamethrower to get at the CD. 

My wife was also on the panel, and she told the audience about our little discussion of future fame...will she be "Jeff Strand's wife?" or will I be "Lynne Hansen's husband?"  However, the local paper had written an article about the event, and in it, she was "Jeff Strand's wife."  An important decision needed to be made:  Should I hold up the paper, point this out. and go for the huge laugh, or should I focus more on not sleeping on the couch for the next week?

I went for the laugh.

 

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September 22nd, 2004

9:39 PM

Tickets

Got my advance tickets for SHAUN OF THE DEAD.  Friday night.  8:00 PM.

If this thing lives up to the hype...

No, no...must...keep...expectations...reasonable...........

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September 20th, 2004

12:57 AM

Clerks X

I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan, so I happily bought the CLERKS 10th anniversary DVD even though I'd already bought the previous DVD release (and the VHS release before that). 

The documentary is fantastic, but Smith & Co. have gotten increasingly self-indulgent on their DVD releases.  The introduction to the audio/video commentary track is an extended pointless conversation by Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier about the movie ROADHOUSE, which I suspect was meant to be increasingly funny as it went on and on and on, but succeeded only in being annoying.  The commentary track itself starts with about 10 minutes of them talking about the night that Scott Mosier accidentally saw Kevin Smith's mother naked.  It may have gone on even longer, but I finally just said "Screw this!" and put in DAWN OF THE DEAD: THE ULTIMATE EDITION instead.

 

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September 18th, 2004

11:25 PM

The Independents' Film Festival

Tonight I went to the Independents' Film Festival at the Tampa Theatre.  Since this is a happy, jolly blog, I'll just be polite and say that overall I...wasn't impressed.  However, there were a couple of wonderful short animated films, FORTUNE TELLER and THE SLIPPER CYCLE, and the highlight was ANTS, a genuinely hilarious short film about a father and son whose home is overrun by ants.  Sure, I may be biased in favor of ant-related comedies, but the entertainment value in this 14 minute short was well worth the other three hours spent being...not impressed.

 

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September 17th, 2004

11:45 PM

Survivor & Stuff

Well, SURVIVOR is back on, so I'm now back to watching an hour of television a week!  Once THE SIMPSONS starts up again, it'll be an hour and a half!  Although if you count the time spent obsessing over SURVIVOR, it would probably be like eighteen hours a week.

It was a pretty good season premiere, although I can't remember any other season where the first person voted out didn't do anything to deserve it.  It's a SURVIVOR tradition to vote out the strong players before it makes strategic sense to do so, but at the first tribal council?  Jeez.

Tonight I saw RESIDENT EVIL: APOCALYPSE.  Some good action in there...when they use traditional cinematography and editing techniques.  But too much of it is that rapid-fire, incoherent, half-blurred filmmaking that's way too common these days. 

SHAUN OF THE DEAD had =better= open in Tampa next weekend!!!

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September 12th, 2004

10:59 PM

A New Blog Entry! Joy!

Okay, so I've been a slacker and failed to update my blog for the past week or so.  Hopefully I'll get back to posting on a more-or-less daily basis so that those of you who obsess over this blog will have more raw material to obsess over.

The short story collection is now officially called GLEEFULLY MACABRE TALES, and is now my main project. The book will be approximately a 50/50 split between new material and reprints, and I'm hoping to have it turned in by the end of September for a 2005 publication.

And I'm collaborating on a short story with Mark McLaughlin, author of the collection HELL IS WHERE THE HEART IS.  Expect the story to be quite wacky.

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September 4th, 2004

9:27 AM

Author Photo II (And Other Stuff)

So, my exciting new author photo is now up on my site.  Considering that I kept the same "bubble-blowing" picture up there for about seven years, it's pretty impressive that I've now had two new photos in the same year!  (But, of course, the duct-tape-and-handcuffs picture from EPICon was never really meant to be a real author photo.  It was just kind of funny.)

I'm compiling material for my first short story collection, tentatively titled GHOULISH DELIGHTS: GLEEFULLY MACABRE SHORT TALES.  I've got a small, elite jury to whom I've been sending stories on an irregular basis, and their job is to say "Yes, Include It, You're A Genius!!!" or "No, What The Hell Were You Thinking, You Illiterate Hick?"  It's because of them that the collection most likely will NOT include "Cap'n Hank's Nuclear Lava Buffalo Wings," the bastards.  Unless I rewrite it.

Today I sent them "An Admittedly Pointless But Mercifully Brief Story With Aliens In It."  Will this brilliant tale of science fictional terror meet with the jury's approval?  Stay tuned to this blog to find out........

 

 

 

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August 30th, 2004

10:24 PM

Author Photo

It was a nice, productive weekend...so productive on the writing front that I didn't even get out to see ANACONDAS, EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING, or SUSPECT ZERO as planned. 

And, I've got a new author photo to replace the duct-tape-and-handcuffs one that's currently on my website.  It'll probably go up tomorrow, after my wife does something to the picture so that it doesn't take non-DSL users a minute and a half to load.  So if you wanted to see the bondage pic one last time...head on over to http://www.jeffstrand.com before it's too late!

I've purchased a new 4 lb. container of Red Vines licorice.  I probably won't keep you posted as to how much of it I eat, because that would be pushing the amount of pointless content even for a blog like this, but I just thought I'd mention it.

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